


hesitation

by mogirl97



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Like oh boy, but the otp intensity has increased, i have a lot of feeling after 4x05, i was already on the dahrkatom train, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 21:15:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16730763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mogirl97/pseuds/mogirl97
Summary: ...they had stood so close and he was sure she must’ve been able to hear his heart pounding in his chest and every fiber of his being had wanted for him to dip his head and kiss her like he had done some many times in his dreams.He had hesitated and before he knew it, he was watching her be taken away from him... again.





	hesitation

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone! it's been a long time since i've posted anything on here but apparently nora and ray have managed to defeat my writer's block because here we are. 4x05 gave me ALL THE FEELS so of course i had to write what obviously happened but they had to cut for time :/// enjoy!! and let me know what ya think :D

He had hesitated.

Night after night for months he had dreamed of her. Awoken with a longing for her that had only intensified when he finally found himself in her presence again. 

He had been in love before. He thought he knew what that precise combination of infatuation inducing dopamine and oxytocin and vasopressin flooding his brain felt like. It felt like something different whenever he was around her though. Something that maybe couldn’t be explained by science because it was... magic.

And yet he had hesitated.

When they had stood so close and he was sure she must’ve been able to hear his heart pounding in his chest and every fiber of his being had wanted for him to dip his head and kiss her like he had done some many times in his dreams.

He had hesitated and before he knew it, he was watching her be taken away from him... _again._

The last thing he had expected her to do was turn herself in. The last thing he wanted her to do was turn herself in. She didn’t deserve the fate that the Time Bureau intended for her.

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting in his room, staring at the wall as the image of her giving him one last bittersweet smile before she was whisked away seemed to be projected there. Replaying over and over again. His hands felt cold, the flicker of warmth he had felt when they were held in hers, gone with her.

Zari had stopped by with a sympathetic look on her face what might’ve been two minutes or two hours ago to silently drop off some food that had gone untouched.

He was starting to believe that the future he had long hoped for, one that was shared with someone he loved, just wasn’t in the cards for him. Every time he tried with someone, he lost them. To death. To the person who they truly loved. To their literal time-space-death-defying soulmate.

To a life locked away.

It had been foolish of him to entertain the fantasy that he was on the brink of finally having his chance at a love that would last. Especially with a person who, on paper, seemed the furthest from the perfect match for him. A person who, arguably, he barely knew…

And yet felt a connection to that he couldn’t escape. That he didn’t want to escape. He _wanted_ to know her, know everything about her. How she took her coffee. Her favorite color. The hopes and dreams that she could never dwell on too long because Mallus had always been there, whispering the reminders that she was his, that her life wasn’t her own.

The pain he was feeling was not only his own at losing her, but for her. She had been freed from one life sentence only to find herself in another prison.

_“Repentance is my path to freedom.”_

The goodness he saw in her... he only hoped that those in charge of her sentencing would see it too. If they couldn’t, he would advocate for her, no matter the cost. She wasn’t facing this alone.

_She knew that, right?_

He shouldn’t have hesitated.

Standing up from his bed, he summoned his A.T.O.M suit.

He didn’t want to have any regrets.

* * *

Finding her cell wasn’t hard, and even though the security around her had been intensified due to her track record of escaping, he was able to bypass it fairly easily with his miniaturized size. Fortunately for him, even though he hated the idea of her being alone, she was being kept in solitary confinement and he could remain undetected as he returned to his normal stature.  

She was sleeping. The pained expression on her face, the tension eminanting off her body clearly visible even in the dim light, gave away that her slumber wasn’t a peaceful one though.

He wasn’t sure how to go about waking her, but he didn’t want to leave her to be tormented any longer.

Slowly approaching her bed--if the cot shoved up against the wall could even be considered a bed--he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Nora,” he whispered. _“Nora.”_

She jolted awake with panic in her eyes and he sank to his knees beside the cot so he wouldn’t appear to be looming threateningly over her.

“It’s just me,” he reassured her. Recognition and relief passed across her face as she propped herself up into a seated position and he waited quietly for a few seconds as her breathing returned to a normal rhythm.

Sitting down on the mattress next to her, he dipped his head apologetically, “I’m sorry for startling you. Are you oka--”  

“You shouldn’t be here,” she interrupted him, but he could tell the chastising slap she gave him was less than half-hearted.

He caught her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers, watched as her gaze dropped to their hands and the corner of her mouth turned up into a small smile.

His teammates’ commentary on his… whatever he had with Nora, had started to make him question if he was right about her feeling that same pull between them that he did. Start to wonder if it was all a hallucination.

He leaned in, close enough that he could feel her sharp intake of breath against his lips, and hesitated. Not because he wasn’t sure, but because he wanted her to be. Wanted her to want this as much as he did.

Time seemed to stop as he waited what felt like hours but in reality was barely a second before her mouth pressed softly against his.

It was better than any of his dreams.

Nothing his brain conjured up could compare to the rest of the world melting away as she silently asked for more and he happily gave. Everything he had been feeling for months came bubbling up to the surface as he kissed her, erased any lingering space between them, dropped her hand that he held only so he could cradle her face.

He could have stayed there forever. He wasn’t ready when she pulled away.

“You shouldn’t have come here,” she echoed her earlier sentiment.

His heart sank.

“But I’m glad you did,” she added, reaching up to caress his jaw. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch unabashedly as she continued, “Now I know for certain that I made the right choice.”

His eyes flickered open to search hers, “What do you mean?”

How could it possibly be right for them to be apart when he knew that leaving her cell without her in tow was going to be torture?

“There were so many times when I was on the run that I wanted to reach out to you,” she whispered, her hand dropping from his face to clasp with her other hand in her lap. “I was trying to make a new life for myself, and all I could think about was how much I wished you could be a part of it.”

His heart started beating faster at her admission.

“So why didn’t you?” He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Reach out?”

She shook her head, “You had already risked too much for me.”

“I would’ve run away with you if you has asked.”

Glancing over at him, she flashed a sad smile, “I know. Which is why I didn’t. You deserve more than a criminal Ray.”

“You’re not--”

She nudged his knee with hers, “It doesn’t matter what you think. I hurt people. I did things that I need to be held accountable for. This is me…” She sighed. “This is me trying to be the person you see when you look at me. My only other option is to spend my life running. Away from imprisonment, but also away from the life that I want. That’s not freedom. I told you, repentance is my only path to freedom. To being able to one day live my life fully on my own terms for the first time in a really, really long time.”

She left the possibility that she would be charged with a life sentence unspoken, but he could still feel it lingering in the air between them. He would fight for her to have that freedom that she wanted.

Before he could say anything more, there was a faint clanging noise in the distance and they both stiffened.

“You should go.”

Reluctantly, he agreed, promising, “I’ll visit again. Soon.”

Standing up, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and prepared to shrink back down. Just before he did, he turned back to look at her.

She was settling back down to return to sleep that he hoped was filled with better dreams than before, and he asked, “Hey Nora? What’s your favorite color?”

Her face crinkled in a mixture of confusion and amusement, “Uhh… black.”

“Black is actually not a color but the absence of---”

“Fine,” she interrupted him with a roll of her eyes. “Red.”

Nodding, he shrunk down and flew out of her cell before he lost his resolve and stayed the night.

The next time he visited, it was with a single red rose plucked from the garden of Queen Mary herself during an eventful run-in with a Dryad.  

**Author's Note:**

> yell at/with me on twitter @mo_writes and tumblr @mogirl97


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